T minus 3 days

Well Team, we’re 3 days out from this 8-weeks-to-a-hot-and-attractive-fitness-modely-self challenge. The name of the game is preparation which is usually why my shit falls flat. I’m traditionally more of wing-it dude. I fly by the seat of my pants (what does that even mean). I roll with the punches (that sounds terrible). I play it by ear (that sounds way harder than reading sheet music). But I’ve committed to this challenge and more importantly I paid money for it and even more important than that is the fact that I could win $5,000 and even more important than that is I could see my abs in 8 weeks which as we all know is the only reason to be alive on this planet.

What was I saying? Ah, yes, preparation. Here’s my current game plan: two weeks of meal plans that I cycle through 4x. I will have grocery lists. I will have labeled tupperware containers. I will have sugar withdrawal.

Friday will be grocery shop. Saturday will be cook. Sunday will be prep.

Currently I have the first week all planned out and everything has been purchased. Tomorrow I shall cook. Sunday I shall put that business in containers. Prayers appreciated.

The food piece will be the most difficult. I currently do the crossfit thing 4-5 days a week. I’m disciplined and dedicated to that. Some might even say I’m a fitness addict (little do they know I’m also addicted to other things). However, I eat any and every thing that has artificial flavors or trans fats. If it’s rolled in sugar and looks like a unicorn, I’m all in. Basically, I’ll shove anything into my gob so long as it requires zero energy or thought from my person.

That ain’t gonna fly if I want some damn abs and $5,000, mmkay! So I have to conquer this food beast once and for all. According to the internet I should consume 2800 calories a day at a 45-30-25 (carb-protein-fat) ratio in order to be hot/worthy of love. If you’re a nutritional scientist with a PhD (or you yourself have an 8-pack) then holler at me if that’s wrong. But, again, I got those numbers from the internet so I’m sure it’s foolproof. At this point, simply eating broccoli or something that’s naturally green should do wonders for me.

In addition to my failsafe food plan, I’m going to be adding in more cardio to my crossfitting. Maybe just 3 days a week of extra rowing, running, or biking. I may have to categorize “chewing” as cardio with the meal plan because (holy vegetables batman!) that’s a lot of food.

In the meantime I’m eating all the pizza and doughnuts that I’m legally entitled to. Wish me luck.



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